It is Written??

I used to get agitated when I thought of pre-determination.  It made me angry to think of the possibility that the events in my life bound to happen regardless (or in spite) of me.  "What's the point of even living," I thought, "if it's already determined?"  I was a free-willer for sure. 

That said, I suppose I never fully trusted the notion of free will.  For example, when the new age ideas of manifesting reality gained popularity, I recall thinking it was a little crazy to manifest my reality.  If I manifested what I had in mind today as the best possible outcome, I might be missing something I didn't even know about.  Or worse, I might be missing out on "what I was supposed" to be doing.  I suppose I wasn't such a free-willer after all.

Being distrustful of both pre-determination and free will, where am I left? I don't know if it's a sign of the times, an effect of getting older, or just a change of perspective, but lately, I take solace in the idea of destiny.  When I look back at what I could consider my mis-steps in life, I can get self critical.  I can wonder why I hadn't learned certain lessons by then or doubt my judgment in the situation.  When I think that perhaps all these things were destined to happen, that they were part of my life plan, it eases those criticisms.  Then the questions become "How well did I handle that situation?" instead of "Why in the world did I get myself into that situation?"  It opens me up to exploring if I was as loving as I could have been, if I learned something, if I deepened my relationships to self or others.  I like thinking of predetermination as a way to reframe the way I look at my behavior.  Perhaps it's not such a bad idea after all.