What kind of songs are you out to sing?

This quote speaks for itself.  I found it on Wikipedia.  I aspire to be the kind of person who sings the kind of songs Woodie is out to sing.

"I hate a song that makes you think that you are not any good. I hate a song that makes you think that you are just born to lose. Bound to lose. No good to nobody. No good for nothing. Because you are too old or too young or too fat or too slim too ugly or too this or too that. Songs that run you down or poke fun at you on account of your bad luck or hard traveling.

I am out to fight those songs to my very last breath of air and my last drop of blood. I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world and that if it has hit you pretty hard and knocked you for a dozen loops, no matter what color, what size you are, how you are built.  I am out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and in your work."  --Woodie Guthrie

"The Story of Cosmetics"

This Sunday video is somewhat in alignment with the Cosmetics Database link on my "My Influences" page.  A few years ago, my neighbor raised my consciousness about what goes into the products we use on our bodies.  I started researching it and found the Cosmetics Database online.  I've used it as a resource to select my personal care products ever since. 

While I think I'm too much of a libertarian to agree with everything in this video about government responsibility for what goes into our cosmetics, I still appreciate it. 

"Sometimes the Best Things in Life are the Simplest"

Chicken Run

I'm about to go on a small road trip to pick up some chickens for the new chicken coop my friend just got.  This means we'll soon have fresh eggs on the property.  So many people are interested in sustainable living lately these days.  I'm excited to participate in sustainability in this way.

I hope the chickens will help with the bugs in my garden.  I think it will be fun to have them around. 

What actions have you taken in terms of sustainability?

Anger Puzzlement

In How To Be An Adult (a great book, by the way), David Richo says anger "is a signal that something I value is in jeopardy."  I've recently had the opportunity to be around a couple of people I didn't know well who were expressing anger.  In each of the two situations, I had NO idea what could possibly be in jeopardy for them.  Emotionally, I found myself feeling disconnected from their feelings which was actually nice.  On an intellectual level, I was confused about what was going on for them.

I've been pondering anger since, and plan to write more posts about anger and David Richo's take on it.  In the meantime, let me know your thoughts.  All you have to do is click on the link at the bottom of the post that says "__ comments" and write away!

Feeling Sleepy...

Yesterday, I woke up at 4 am to embark on a chicken coop adventure.  It was a successful mission, but I've been sleepy ever since.  I've noticed how difficult it is to write blog posts in my tired state.  In my Don't Let Those Creative Ideas Die post, I discussed my thoughts on following through on creative inspiration.  I didn't mention that getting plenty of rest is an important part of the creative process, but I thought about it.  Now that I'm actually experiencing how tiredness saps creative motivation, I'm more inclined to write about it!

We have these romantic notions of staying awake all night, engrossed in a project.  I've been in that type of absorption state many times in my life and it seems to be supportive of short term bursts of creative output.  But for the long haul, rest may be one of the most important ingredients for creativity I can think of.  I am lucky to have a much more restful life than I did a year ago.  After several years of putting in long hours running my business, I started a sabbatical last August.  Since then, I've increased my amount of sleep and meditation and decreased my hours of work.  I've noticed my creative output is at a level I haven't seen in years.  I think I might have had as many creative ideas back then, but just didn't have the ability to actualize them when I was tired and busy.

In the United State, there's so much pressure to work hard and push to achieve.  I'm thinking this pressure is a force that compromises our creative potential.  Just to test my point, I'm gonna quit typing and get some sleep!

self love or Self loves?

Lately, I've been pretty self-critical.  Before I understood what was going on, I just noticed I was antsy in yoga class and during meditation.  I was more inclined to watch YouTube videos and less inclined to watch the sunrise.  I was quick to look for my faults in any situation.  After a while of that, I decided enough was enough and paid attention to my inner experience.  Where's the self love? I bemoaned!  That got me thinking about self love.

There seemed to be a split implicit in the phrase "self love."  There was one "self" who wasn't bestowing love on another "self."  In my case, it was a judgmental, cold self withholding love from a poor pitiful, lonely, out-of-sorts, little self.  What a mean, cruel judgemental self!  If only that awful part would change, I'd be happier!  Hmm, I realized, that wasn't very loving.  Wait!  Now what self wasn't being loving to the judgemental self???  As you may have noticed, it was all getting very circular.  There were so many parts involved.  I was tempted to think the solution was either to change the way a part was acting or to replace it with a different, kinder, gentler part.  Instead, I tried sitting with the feeling of it all.  I'm pretty sure I moved a little energy and perhaps even understood each of the parts a little better.  But I still felt pretty grunky.

Then I sat on my meditation pillow.  My mind quieted and I entered the inner sky.  In this spacious realm there were no individual selves, just a big Is-ness that included me, but wasn't exclusively "me."  There was no attempt to resolve the lack of self love or reconcile the various parts and their opinions.  I just sat in stillness with a serenity bestowed by grace.  Emerging from that peace, the question of self love seemed insignificant, just the illusion of a confused ego.  I had encountered my Self, the truth of my being.  The Self--in an unglamourous way--just loves as its very nature.  It loves by not making distinctions between itself and others or between various parts of personality.  I know I'm not doing it justice, but this Self loves and that's that. 

It became simple.  After realizing that Self loves, I no longer felt worried about self love.

The i-live-in-a-barn Mascot

Bree, on her barn apartment throne

My cat is my barn & blog mascot.  She's a great meditator, knows how to have a good time, and is an expert at simplicity.  Plus, she's excellent at keeping the mice at bay.

Jimmy Carabbia & Durango Guitar Works

 Get Inspired Feature Presentation...

Jimmy

Inspiring Person: Jimmy Carabbia

Inspiring Attitude: "For a lot of my life, people told me I couldn't do what I dreamed of. I'm pretty used to criticism. I just don't let it bother me."

I met Jimmy in Durango, CO where most Durangoans met Jimmy--at Stonehouse Subs. It was a sandwich shop he opened when he decided Durango didn't have a good enough sandwich shop. He's a kinda picky guy and when he can't find what he wants, he just goes out and creates it. Like when he was a kid and couldn't find brake levers he liked for his BMX bike. So he made some. Back then, he wanted to mass produce and market them, but was a bit young to do it on his own.

These days, it's a different story. After spending years in competitive BMX cycling, he found himself revisiting an earlier passion--guitars. However, several broken bones and lots of repetitive bread baking left his hands and wrists with limited range of motion. He discovered playing short scales guitars let him play with the speed and accuracy he demanded, but wasn't happy with the quality of short scale electric guitars on the market. So, he hand made his own. He'd found a short scale neck he liked, but wanted a guitar body that was in better proportion to the neck. Then he wanted better pick ups. And so on. I can't tell you how many iterations I saw him go through. Then he decided that he'd learned so much making his own custom guitar, he would get them mass produced so other people could also enjoy a quality short scale guitar.

As you can imagine, there's a steep learning curve in starting an electric guitar company, and I'm sure many people thought he couldn't do it. But in spite of it, Durango Guitar Works was born. Here's a YouTube video of a guy reviewing one of his guitars. 

The guitar is getting great reviews.  Best of all, Jimmy's happy. He feels he's making a difference, building community by helping people who want a new choice in electric guitars. Thanks for the inspiration Jimmy!

"Meditation Then and Now" Video

I working on developing a weekly structure for i live in a barn posts.  I'm thinking of making text posts during the week and sharing video posts from YouTube during the weekends.  I'll try it for a while.  Let me know what you think.

"A Good Day" Video

dedicated to my grateful, swimming sister who practices this already

Don't Let Those Creative Ideas Die!

If ideas that never got to see the light of day were pieces of garbage, our entire world would look like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.  It turns out that receiving creative inspiration is the easy part.  It takes dedication and practical engagement to bring life to a creative idea. 

After the inspired morning I wrote about in my Creative Inspiration post, I came home and processed W2s for my business.  Because I am on sabbatical, I've cancelled my computerized payroll service.  Which means I found myself hand writing seven W2s and all the necessary copies.  If that's not an inspirational buzz kill, I don't know what is!

In this lifetime, I've killed-by-neglect at least a small city's worth of unbirthed inspirations.  I've also labored to manifest some of my brainchildren, and have an understanding of what it takes me to bring them forth.  Here are a few things I've learned along the way.


photo by mayhem
http://mayhem-chaos.net/

 Creative ideas love immediate attention.
If I wait too long to begin a project, the thrill peters out.  That doesn't necessarily mean I won't complete the project, but the burst of energy that could have propelled me into it is lost.  The project's energy becomes slow--more earthy and less fiery.  That solidity is a requirement later in the creation, but in the beginning, the initial spark must be encouraged. 

Attention to detail is an important factor. 
Details are like the tiny pieces of tinder I put onto the spark to get the fire started. They are good at any stage in the project.  I don't have the habit of getting bogged down in details, so this one is easy for me to say.  I know some people who spend so much time on details, they never complete the project.  So I admit it requires a balance.  I just know that when I'm beginning a project, if I jot down a detail that interests me, it serves as an enticement to continue so I can eventually get back to that little tidbit.

Talking about a creative idea before it's under development is a good way to kill it.
This may seem counter intuitive, but I've found the more I talk about an idea early on, the less likely I am to implement it.  The best reason I've come up for this has to do with the great internal feeling of inspiration.  If I perceive the feelings in my body when I'm inspired, the energy is intoxicating.  I think it's the promise of more of this feeling that propels me into working on the project.  The hits of excitement as I bring one small part of the project into reality are enough to keep me hooked.   However, when I talk about the idea, I get a big hit of the good feeling all at once.  After I've finished talking about the idea to everyone I can, I'm kinda bored with it.  It doesn't arouse me anymore.  I've taken what I can get out of it in terms of the "hit" and am less motivated to then do the grunt work.

Thinking about what other people will think of the idea usually hurts more than it helps.
We all know that we need to follow our passions for ourselves, not for others.  Yet, it can be tempting to think about an "audience" when being creative.  Sometimes I find myself fantasizing about how much other people will like my idea and it's temporarily encouraging (even though imaginary!).  Other times, I find myself contracting around the thought that I am once again out of step with the rest of the world and that no one will like my idea.  Alright, I get it!  Both ends of the spectrum are nonsense.  Just self-reference and it'll be fine!

Actually, it's OK to let creative ideas die.
Let's face it, there's no way we could do justice to all the creative ideas bouncing around in our heads in a lifetime.  So it's prudent not to follow up on all of them.  But for the sake of passion, engagement, fulfillment, and plain ol' making this world a better place, start a few creative fires.  Tend them until you get a nice warm bonfire and enjoy!

Creative Inspiration

I woke up at 4 o'clock yesterday morning with a creative solution to a problem.  I'd been chewing on the problem for a while, and the day before, I'd had two interactions with people that seemed to stir something in me.  I didn't quite know what it was, but I had that feeling of "there's something to that."  As I lay in bed trying to convince my body to go back to sleep, I noticed a thought.  It was an elegant yet fun solution to my problem.  It seemed to come from nowhere, but I began to piece together what had transpired the day before and realized the significance.  I also acknowledged that I'd been open to discovering an answer for quite some time.  I got up and jotted down some ideas, made some coffee, tidied up ye ol' barn apartment, and headed out to the 5:45 yoga class.  Throughout my practice I was energized by the idea.  It wasn't merely about my personal problem, it was a YouTube video and a fun writing and art project. 

I love how creativity works!  Be willing to create something (in this case a solution), be receptive to the world around you, be patient, pay attention to the random thoughts that jangle around in your mind, and don't be attached to a creative outcome having the form you thought you were looking for (wanting a solution, ending up with a fun project). 

Up next...my thoughts about turning creative inspiration into reality.

Get Inspired-Accountability

I met a young man yesterday who inspired me about being accountable.  I was in line at the Clerk of Courts  waiting to deal with my traffic ticket and a man in his late teens or early 20s asked me if we were in the right line to pay tickets.  I didn't know and said so.  He began chatting and mentioned he hoped he could just pay and not go to jail.  My ticket was "unsafe lane change" (a life metaphor?? hum, maybe...) so I was a little confused.  I blurted out, "What was your ticket for!?" and he replied, "marijuana."  I didn't know they gave tickets for marijuana so I asked him about it and we began conversing.  He was such an earnest guy, he really grabbed my heart.  He had quit smoking pot and said it wasn't hard at all.  He had a few complications in terms of a ride home from court, etc. and at some point I said, "I'm sorry."  He took it in for a second and (thinking I was talking about the ticket) replied, "No, that's just the way life is."  As I was finishing with my clerk, he sat beside me at the counter and began speaking to the clerk beside me.  "No, I don't want to contest this.  I have no reason to contest this," I overheard him say. 

I walked out of that courthouse in a happier state than I'd been in days.   I loved how he wasn't blaming anybody or being resentful, how was accepting "the way life is."  I loved how he wasn't trying everything at his disposal to get out of his ticket (I assume that ticket could affect his record for a long time).  I loved how he'd used it as an opportunity to make a change in his life.  I loved that he was taking ownership of his life.   I loved the underlying trust he had that life was unfolding in a way that was appropriate and acceptable. 

Thanks for the inspiration anonymous young man!

Simple Generosity

I think most of us enjoy being generous.  Here are a few simple ways to engage in generosity that don't entail a lot of time or money but can make a big difference.

Listening
Being generous with your attention starts starts with silence.  Curtail the impulse to jump in with something to say.  Offer your attention with your silence.  Give someone the gift of having a chance to speak his mind, to think aloud, to be noticed. 

Supportiveness
Tell someone, even if you don't know her that well, a good quality you've noticed in her.  Explain to someone why you believe in her.  Be someone's "first follower."  Add your open-hearted energy to someone else's blossoming project.  Be willing to say "good job" whenever it applies.

Appreciation
Say thank you regularly.  Thank the people who teach the classes you take, provide services, and affect you throughout your day. 

Smile
Share your smile with abandon.  Smile in the grocery, store, and bank.  Smile walking down the street.  Smile at home.  Smile when you greet someone.

Non-judgment
Realize you don't know where a person come froms until you've walked a mile in his shoes (if that!).  Follow the biblical advice to let the person without sin cast the first stone.  Accept others for who they are.  Accept situations for what they are.  Accept yourself exactly as you are.  Accept until your heart grows a size bigger.

Appologize
Don't wait for another person to appologize.  She may never appologize.  Offer your expression of regret and caring for someone's feelings.  Forgive. 

Generosity is an act of opening your heart and allowing what's inside to seep out and allowing what's on the outside to come in.  In fact, it's about not making a distinction between "inside" and "outside" and considering it all the same.  It can have a material component, but ultimately, generosity arises from our hearts, our minds, and ultimately our souls--not our pockets. 

"Love Now"

I'm putting this up for no particular reason.  No comment from the peanut gallery.  But it does remind me of the lovely people I did the World Summit for Humanity with!

Child's Pose

I just did "yoga" with a youngster and I have NO idea why that is called child's pose:

Based on my experience, THIS seems more like child's pose: 

A Kindler, Gentler Discourse--Gender Bashing Humor

I'm sure my critics need no additional proof that I have no sense of humor, but I really bristle when I hear gender bashing jokes.  I used to get a lot of email blasts with jokes about men, but a few years ago, I went on a rant about it and managed to get off most of those mailing lists.  (Rants are helpful like that if you can handle the post-rant embarrassment)! 

My rant went something like this:
I don't get why everyone seems to be into gender bashing jokes.  Female comedians tell "men jokes" and male comedians tell "women jokes."  There's all these email blasts going around with the latest one about whichever gender.  I know it's supposed to be funny and all, but it feels like it has an underlying hostility.  Do other women really expect me to bash men just because I'm a woman too?  Hey, it's not like I joined a competitive team when I was born.  I'm all about girl power, but that doesn't mean I like to laugh at things that disparage guys!  And even though I'm pretty good at laughing at myself, honestly it feels pretty crappy to hear women-bashing jokes.  It's like I'm tarred and feathered just because of a gender that I was born into.  Can we all get along? (fyi for the young 'uns, click the link to get the 90s pop culture reference).  I don't know anyone who thinks racial jokes are funny, so why are there all these people who think gender bashing is cool?  We're talking approximately 50% of the world's popluation being put down with any one of these jokes!  50%!!  Come ON!

Ah, that rant felt good.  I know there's plenty to laugh about when it comes to gender differences and it makes for good humor.   Yet I have to think, in this time when people are talking about rhetoric, hateful discourse and the possibility of being more civil, maybe we could look inward when it comes to gender based humor.  I think it'd be a better world if resentment, bitterness, or dashed expectations weren't the motivation behind telling a joke about the other gender.  Let's center our gender based humor in celebration and love, not diviseness and condemnation!

NVDEAXXNDD3C

Diving Board Faith-Part 2

or...That's Another Fine Mess

As I grew into a young adult, I learned a way to deal with fear.  I hated the paralyzing effect of not having trust.  I hated how the emotions felt in my body and I hated the way I hated myself for being such a wimp in those situations.  I realized if I rushed right into situations without thinking, I could avoid the glaring truth that I was afraid and didn't trust I could handle it.  In all honesty, the usual result was a crash of some sort. 

I'm thinking of the time I tried a rope swing into a lake.  It was a huge drop (I don't like heights) and I'd never even done a small rope swing, but everyone was pressuring me to do it.  "What the h?" I thought, "what's the worst that could happen, dont' think about it, JUST DO IT!"  (thanks a lot nike!).  So I didn't think about timing, I didn't think about speed of swing.  I just squeezed my eyes shut and let 'er fly!  Uh, that might be a good way to avoid feeling fear, but it's not a very good way to avoid getting injured!  That was a pretty dramatic physical crash, but rest assured, there have been plenty of emotional and mental crashes from jumping too quickly with my eyes squeezed shut!

At some point in my 30s, I discovered an alternative to paralysis or rushing in.  Mindfulness, beloved mindfulness!  It this context, it means feeling and experiencing what's going on without jumping into action.  Slowing down and breathing through the situation.  There's a bit of a catch 22 about it though.  Without trust, the experiencing doesn't go anywhere except to paralysis and fear.  Without mindfulness, the trust can't emerge.  I was lucky to have the support of people who trusted in me and showed me it would be ok to experience my feelings.  People who didn't buy into my premise that if I experienced fear, it must mean I'm a crazy wimp.  So with that help, I became more skilled in just being with the uncomfortable feeling of fear.  And miracle of miracles!, I learned that it reallly wasn't that bad. That I had lots of inner resources to handle whateever came up.  I was full of strength, creativity, clarity and compassion.  I learned that when I stayed present, I could connect into the supportive nature of the universe.  I still have my ingrained habits of paralysis and rushing in, but I have a powerful alternative now.  I crash less and have fun more. And for that, I'm extremely grateful!

Diving Board Faith-Part 1

This post has a soundtrack.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

In one particular childhood memory, I'm at a hotel swimming pool standing on the diving board.  My dad's treading water in the water below.  He's trying to assure me that it'll be ok to jump in, that he'll catch me, that i will be ok.  Ever the skeptic, I wouldn't trust him or the deep end of the pool or the scary 3' of air between the board and the surface of the water.  Ever stubborn, I didn't want not to jump either.  Eventually I did jump and my dad caught me and it was an accomplishment, but my head did go under and it was scary and I was ambivalent about the whole experience.  Those minutes on the diving board--tearful and paralyzed--were agonizing.  I'm guessing I wasn't the only one feeling the pain.  Surely my dad was exhausted and everyone waiting for the diving board impatient.

Thirty-five years later, it can be the same thing.  My lack of faith can transform me into a frozen, anxious mess.  I've got a lot more trust than I used to and I've embraced adventures and gained confidence.  Yet, when I'm faithless, it feels the same inside as that day on the diving board. 

I've learned to recognize the feeling of not trusting and can slow down and watch my breath in those moments.  After a while, a presence within me arises that calms me and brings me peace and strength.  Then I wonder why I forget that I am love and am loved, that I have everything I really need, and that my real being is not a physical being anyway.  I soften and open up and begin to enjoy what's in front of me.  I notice something in nature that reminds me that all is well and I am supported.  And I know...even if my head goes under water, I will be ok.

God

These days, it seems like anytime someone writes about God, they end up giving a lengthy description of exactly what they mean and don't mean by saying that.  And give the reader a list of alternate words to substitute "when I use the word God" like creator, Great Father/Mother, etc.  Just so no one gets goobed out I'm thinking. 

Mostly I just want to use whatever language I want to use and not have to explain myself, but I find myself explaining myself all the time over little things. Hmmm, the word God is pretty loaded and doesn't really fit into the "little things" category does it?  I guess I'll go ahead and get it out of the way.  What I mean when I say God I mean.

First, what I don't mean.  Not talking about a white bearded man in the sky.  Here...I'll let George Carlin explain what I'm not talking about when I say God.  It'll literally only take a minute.  You can even stop listening at about 40 seconds to get the idea of what I'm not talking about...

Honestly, I want it to be simple.  When I say God, I mean the divine thing we all know in our deepest selves to be true.  I'm gonna leave it at that for the time being.  The key to that sentence is the IN OUR DEEPEST SELVES part.  That is the tricky part.  But if you get as deep as you possibly can and meet God, that's what I mean when I say God. 

Ha, maybe I'll expound more later, but if you would be so kind as to comment on this post, I think we can get a lively discussion going. 

btw--How did you like all the sentence fragments in this post?

10 mph-Full Length Documentary

This movie has themes after my own heart.  (Could it be the quit your job and follow your heart part??? How many times have i done that??)  Here are some quotes from the makers of this movie that prompted me to post it for y'all:

"Try and do what you want to do.  When are ya gonna do it?  Ya know?  You gonna wait 10 years? ...Go out and do what it is you want to be.  What holds you back is yourself." -j.fred

"...why not live it up, take the risk and do the thing that you're supposed to do." -hunter and josh

I love the city v. country, west v. east, perspectives.  And the absolute best...tractor v. winnebago scene.

Here's the YouTube link if you're interested in going there instead of watching it here.  

Sunset Gratitude Practice

I like to practice gratitude by standing and watching the sun go down.  I soak in the beauty and feel all the things I appreciate about the day that's passing.  It helps that the french doors in the barn apartment face west and open to such a pretty view. 
This photo was taken the night before last.

What are you grateful for today? 



There it goes...so quick...


                                                

My Writing Desk

I posted a picture of my writing desk on the "About" page of this blog.  Here's another view. Lately, it's been reminding me of trust.  See, I temporarily moved to a new town to help a friend out and to take a break from my life and business in my old town.  Like many people only do in their 20s, I packed up my car and brought only what would fit.  As I settled into my new apartment, I was grateful for the furnishings my friend provided, yet I was wishing I had a desk for my computer.  After pondering my lack of a desk for a couple days, I mentioned to my friend that I wished I had a desk.  "Oh, how funny, I saw a desk on the side of the road just this morning."  Turns out, someone was moving and had put it out in the trash.  My Honda Accord isn't really equipped as a desk hauler, but a friend of my friend was over at the time and offered her pick up for my scavanging efforts.  A drive in the country and one wrong turn later, I came upon the "garbage" pile and discovered my new treasure.  It's a lovely desk.  I try to remember to soak in its lessons-that I am supported and provided for in this world and the power of the kindness of strangers (who sometimes don't remain strangers-thanks for the truck loan JM!).

In the Circle

photo by Clay Kessack

The campfire is a perfect example of sitting in a circle with each other.  My first memory of sitting in the circle is around the kitchen table as a child.  As an adult, I've sat in the circle in meditation classes I've taken, massage classes I've taught, and women's groups I've participated in.  In the circle, there's a connectednesss that acknowledges everyone in the group.  It seems to foster a sense of equality in value even if someone's quieter than the rest.  Energy flows freely from one person to another in the circle.  Last week in yoga class, the teacher started us off in a circle and it was a lovely experience.  It got me thinking about the healing, supportive, and inclusive wonderfulness of it all. 

Here's a diagram of what a social network looks like according to Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, authors of Connected: 



by Tasha Bock from the work of Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler

This is a book I am excited to read!  (I'm sure I will be able to more intelligently post on my ideas of the circle after I do, but ha, why let that stop me??)  What I'm wondering is if our ages old tradition of sitting round the campfire or circling up in whatever form it takes, is a way to overlay a conscious structure upon this sprawling social network topography.  Is the circle a piece of sacred geometry we can invoke to be more aware of the meaning of our relatedness?   

With this--my first post of my new blog--I want to acknowledge the impact of the crawling form of the social network (that allows my thoughts and ideas to be read across the web), but also pay homage to the contained, inclusive structure of the circle (that supported me in developing and expressing those very ideas).  May the participants in this new blog and I be inspired by both!