This post has a soundtrack. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
In one particular childhood memory, I'm at a hotel swimming pool standing on the diving board. My dad's treading water in the water below. He's trying to assure me that it'll be ok to jump in, that he'll catch me, that i will be ok. Ever the skeptic, I wouldn't trust him or the deep end of the pool or the scary 3' of air between the board and the surface of the water. Ever stubborn, I didn't want not to jump either. Eventually I did jump and my dad caught me and it was an accomplishment, but my head did go under and it was scary and I was ambivalent about the whole experience. Those minutes on the diving board--tearful and paralyzed--were agonizing. I'm guessing I wasn't the only one feeling the pain. Surely my dad was exhausted and everyone waiting for the diving board impatient.
Thirty-five years later, it can be the same thing. My lack of faith can transform me into a frozen, anxious mess. I've got a lot more trust than I used to and I've embraced adventures and gained confidence. Yet, when I'm faithless, it feels the same inside as that day on the diving board.
I've learned to recognize the feeling of not trusting and can slow down and watch my breath in those moments. After a while, a presence within me arises that calms me and brings me peace and strength. Then I wonder why I forget that I am love and am loved, that I have everything I really need, and that my real being is not a physical being anyway. I soften and open up and begin to enjoy what's in front of me. I notice something in nature that reminds me that all is well and I am supported. And I know...even if my head goes under water, I will be ok.
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ReplyDeleteI can see now why you are so good for kids! You can totally see the same fear in them when they doesn't trust and become scared in a situation. Hopefully they will slowly learn the same thing you have about life and love.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dr. TB. you are so sweet (hopefully you know what i mean!).
ReplyDeleteOne of my influences is David Richo and in his book How to Be an Adult in Relationships, I was introduced to the 5As. I am looking forward to posting on them, but in short, they've been soooo helpful to frame my interactions with self and others. He says all children need a sufficient amount of the 5As (attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, allowing) to grow into emotionally healthy people. It's a small life mission of mine to spread the 5As to the best of my abilities!
btw...Here's a post I made on my other blog referencing the 5As in relationship to massage ethics.