My New Favorite Speaker

I'd Do it For Free (part 1)

Today, I'm beginning a series of posts on work, fulfillment, and compensation.  I've been thinking of these quite a bit lately and have some thoughts and questions to share.  To get us started, I'd like to refer you to a video clip from the documentary, "Hackers Wanted."  If you have some time, the entire documentary is thought provoking.  Check it out and see what you think.  There'll be more to come from me soon.

At any rate, theYouTube video clip is entitled, "desmond morris @ monkey painting experiment" and is narrated by Kevin Spacey.  Here's the transcript for the clip:

In 1962, Desmond Morris published his book, The Biology of Art, which details his experiments teaching chimpanzees to paint.  The chimps enjoyed painting immensely, and eagerly created works of energetic colors and strokes.  One phase of Morris' experiment involved rewarding the chimps for producing their paintings.  Whenever a chimpanzee painted, he received a peanut.  Surprisingly, very soon the quality of paintings began to degenerate until the chimps produced the bare minimum that would satisfy the experimenter.  Any joy found in the act of painting was lost as the chimps uncaringly slapped paint on their canvases and ran to collect their peanuts.

A Beautiful World~Sacral Nirvana by Oliver Shanti Video

McLibel Video

This is a video for anyone who gets discouraged about "the way things are."  It shows 2 people who stood up for what they believed and didn't give up even in the face of well funded opposition.  It's a true answer for the question, "But, what can I do??" 

Teaching v. Learning

Would you rather teach something or learn something?

Corpse Pose: The dying/rebirth cycle of healing

I took a yoga workshop over the weekend and heard something that made me prick up my ears.  The teacher was describing corpse pose, or savasana.  It's the pose that ends the yoga practice and basically entails lying supine in deep relaxation.  She said it was called corpse pose because during the pose, we were honoring all that had "died" during the practice and preparing for the rebirth as we exited the practice and entered the rest of the day.  I've gladly entered savasana many times in my practice, but I'd never thought of it in these terms.  I knew immediately that I would somehow incorporate this new perspective into my practice.

The following day, I was in yoga class, doing a heart opening pose.  My tight biceps was screaming at me and I was wondering how I could modify the pose to make it less intense.  About that time, the instructor came by and gave my upper back some support.  Before I could protest that I did not want to go deeper, a wave of fear washed over me.  I was afraid of the pain and the potential for injury.  As I watched the fear, it instantaneously dissolved and my shoulders relaxed and I softened into the pose.  Next, I felt waves of sorrow and knew that I'd experienced an emotional as well as a physical release.

Today in yoga class, I had a similar experience.  This time, it happened while working toward the splits, or hanumanasana.  We'd been warming and stretching our hips and thighs all class, working toward the splits.  My body is pretty tight in this area, so I don't really get into the splits, but I do set up some blocks and approximate the pose. As I settled into hanumanasana, my psyche used the opportunity of a physical opening to release emotions.  Although I had no specific reason for the feeling, I felt tears welling up.  This time, there were lots of tears and after finishing the pose, I rested on my back with my feet up the wall, allowing the emotions to flow. 

Of course, we're talking yoga class, so that means corpse pose at the end.  As I settled into corpse pose on each of these two days, I remembered the words of my teacher.  I thought about funerals.  At funerals, we give gratitude for the people we knew.  Even if we didn't always get along, we remember them with love.  I brought this attitude to my savasana.  I thought of the physical constrictions and the emotional holdings I'd encountered during my heart and hip openers.  They were now passing out of my body and out of my life and I wanted to honor them as I said goodbye.  Thank you, thank you, oh thank you, I whispered internally to the patterns that had lived in my heart and my pelvis.  I knew they had served me as best as they could and had been there for a reason.  I knew they had been with me for quite some time.  This was my chance to express appreciation before I began again without the old patterns. 

As my time in savasana ended, it was time to roll onto my side into fetal position.  I reminded myself of the true meaning of fetal--birth.  It was time to birth a renewed self.  From the powerful energetic shifts I'd experienced in my body, I knew I had truly undergone transformation.  On an energetic level, I wasn't the same, but I'd also changed physically.  My connective tissue had mechanically changed.  My nervous system had encountered new sensory inputs.  My muscles had reset their level of tension.  I brought conscious awareness of this freshness to my fetal position.  Then I sat up, ready to explore each present moment with mindful awareness.

The notion of death and dying can seem scary.  I know firsthand the difficulties of letting go.  Yet I'm pretty sure none of us want a stagnant life.  We yearn for newness, freshness, and growth.  In addition to birthing new things, the healing process necessitates allowing something to die.  It's about letting go and surrendering.  As I discovered in savasana, it helps to bring a ritual component to this process, to meet what's dying with love and gratitude. 

There's always something emerging from the ashes or from the void.  There's always new growth or experience or sensation.  I intend to keep this awareness in mind and embrace the healing cycle of death and rebirth.

Social Questions

Usually my posts are quite personal, but lately my thoughts are focused on the world around me. I'm thinking of Japan and humanity's use of nuclear power. I'm thinking of Libya and our use of force.  I'm looking around and wondering about the evolution of humanity.

It's not as if there aren't things going on for me personally. My life is a continual thread of spiritual, emotional, or physical development. It just seems trivial these days compared to the macrocosm.

A friend reminded me recently that the external world is a reflection of our collective inner worlds. What we see on the outside that seems destructive is the shadow of humanity. Ya know, I realize this is true, but the thought made me a bit exhausted. I've been actively embracing and integrating my shadow for over a decade. It's a not a pretty endeavor. Ghandi said "be the change you wish to see in the world." I'm trying. Actually, that's me being self-deprecating. (Didn't Yoda say something like, "Do not try. Do."?)  I think I am doing a decent job of being the change I wish to see.  It just doesn't feel enough. 

I'm trusting I will have the wisdom to see me through the waves of it all.  Will I balance inner and outer focus?  Will I balance doing the "work" (both internally and externally) with just relaxing and taking joy in being alive?  Will I be able to embrace humanity with all its darkness as well as myself and my own shadow?  These are the personal questions the events of the outside world bring to me.

Inside Job Video

Ok, this video doesn't have an imbed option, so if you're interested, you'll have to follow the link.  It wons tons of critical attention.  I've just started watching it myself for a rainy Sunday matinee. 

http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/inside-job/

The Beautiful Truth Video

Evolution of Humanity

For over a decade, I've been hearing about the evolution of humanity.  When I was first introduced to the concept, I was quite excited about the transformation of our world into a Golden Age.  I've absorbed so much information over the years on this topic that it's hard to know where to begin to describe what I'm talking about.  Of course, plenty of you have already been exposed to all of this.  Some people won't have any idea what I'm talking about though, so I'll just give a brief explanation.  The basic concept is that as a result of various energetic shifts, humans will be/are experiencing essential changes in their physical, emotional, and spiritual natures.  These changes will be challenging to go through, but the end result will be a more spirit/energy based being.  Our society will reflect the changes and is expected to be much more loving, equitable, and supportive.  [Depending on y'all's interest in this (just leave comments so I'll know), I can write more about this and provide links, etc.]. 

My thoughts today have to do with my willingness to entertain this concept through the years.  As I mentioned, at first I was very excited and wanted to do everything I could to help the process.  Then I got a bit icked out by what I labeled New Age Hooey and resisted the idea.  (My apologies to New Agers--I'm just saying where my thoughts were!).  Then I got wishful, but not convinced.

Lately, I have to say, I'm feeling something new stirring regarding it all.  I have this feeling of knowingness deep within my being.  It tells me that changes are underway.  Everyone I talk to seems to be rethinking materialism.  They are looking for something deeper, questioning how to have lasting peace during their day, or considering a simple and generous life.  I am certain all of this is a reflection of my internal experience, but I'm also getting convinced that there is truly something happening externally as well. 

I think my new conviction can actually bring about positive change in our group energy field.  I'm being conscious of my habitual patterns of doubt, so I am going to commit to actively look at things through the lens of positive human evolution.  I'm excited to see what this does for me.  I'll keep you posted and would love to hear your thoughts and experiences too.

Angels

I have heard that the vast majority of Americans believe in angels. While the concept of angels has been in my awareness for as long as I can recall, I’ve never really given them much thought. To be honest, I’ve spend more time musing over ghosts than angels.

A friend of mine told me a story about a man she and her children met on a difficult hike. My friends were having difficulty with the ascent and the man told them, “Don’t go until you can see all of your footfalls. Then go and don’t stop until you get there.” It turned out to be the perfect advice for them to conquer their fears about the technical climb and reach the summit. In addition, my friend and I were struck with how pertinent his advice was for life in general, not just for the moment on the trail. (I feel as if I could write a whole follow up to an earlier post of mine based on that quote!) As my friend spoke of the man she said, “He was an angel for sure.”

In my mind, a real honest to goodness “angel” is different from a human being who acts like an angel. I am certain the latter exists. When I think of human angels, I’m inspired by their impeccable timing mixed with generosity, compassion, and wisdom. When encountering people acting without generosity, compassion, and wisdom, it’s tempting to believe the natural condition of humanity is negative. At the heart of the matter, I doubt this is actually true, but can get disheartened by the news of the world.

I think that’s why I’m hopeful that “real honest to goodness angels” are active in our world. It seems we could use some help in the generosity, compassion, and wisdom front. If there are real angels, it shouldn’t take away our responsibility to make a difference. It should be a model for how we can operate in our world.

I would absolutely love to hear your personal angel stories!

Let's make everything FREE! An introduction to The Free World Charter Video

A friend of mine posted this on his facebook page. It seems like interesting food for thought to me. I've always thought doing something just because it has always been done is crazy. What's the best way of doing something?  Ideas are fun!

3 Chakra - MANIPURA Video

Makes You Wonder...

The 1949 Nobel Prize in Medicine was awarded to Egas Moniz for discovering the therapeutic value of the lobotomy.  I guess it sounded like a good idea at the time. 

The Days Are Getting Longer

moonrise near Durango, CO
(another fleeting moment I was lucky to have)

Today I was out and about, helping a friend out by feeding horses and putting chickens to bed and a thought struck me with a sudden fierceness.

The days are getting longer. In a short 3 months, they'll start getting shorter again. I need to live this as fully as I can right now.  I need to enjoy each day's light while it's here. 

Maybe it's the devastating news from Japan.  Maybe it's hormones.  Who knows, but the truth of the thought can't be denied.  What I have today is fleeting.  It's a gift.  How much nicer my life is when I appreciate that fact.  I'm hoping this particular awareness won't itself be completely fleeting!  I'd like to savor the preciousness of the seasons, but also small moments, and the span of a life. 

Srikumar Rao: Plug into your hard-wired happiness

Wow is what I have to say when Srikumar Roa begins his talk with, "I have a vision for each one of you.  And the vision I have for you is that when you wake up in the morning, your blood is singing at the thought of being who you are and doing what you do.  That as you go through the day, you can literally sink to your knees in gratitude at the tremendous good fortune that's been bestowed on you.  That as you go through the day, you become radiantly alive several times.  And if your life isn't like that, I'd like to humble propose that you're wasting your life."

Pema Chodren: Tonglen

This is a wonderful practice at anytime.  I'm posting it today in response to the earthquake/tsunami in Japan.

Forgiveness and the Dalai Lama

Today's news carries the headline that the Dalai Lama announced his intention to step down as the political leader of Tibet, creating an opportunity for Tibet to transition to a new political leadership during his lifetime.  This comes after China proclaimed the Dalai Lama had no authority to choose his own successor and that the next Dalai Lama must be selected through a Chinese approved reincarnation.  Not only would this give China control over the next Tibetan leader, but it would also provide a time gap in political leadership for the Tibetans. 

The differences between the Tibetan and Chinese points of view have been going on for decades, since China invaded Tibet.  Fifty-two years ago today, in 1959, the Dalai Lama fled his country and began living in exile in India.  He has continued to lead his people from his new home in Dharmsala.  When other Tibetans leave Tibet, they go there first.  The Dalai Lama has met with many of them and has heard the firsthand stories of what has happened to his people and his country.  He has negotiated with China regarding their treatment of Tibet and has become a spokesperson for his country in the international community.

Yesterday my post was a quick entry about forgiveness and happiness.  My mind was on forgiveness, so when I read the news today about the Dalai Lama, my thoughts immediately went to the strong example of forgiveness he has shown the world.  In spite of all the damage that has happened to his country, he refuses to hold anger toward the Chinese.  He practices forgiveness toward the government of China and toward the people who have carried out Chinese orders.  In his book, Ethics for a New Millennium, he tells a story about a Tibetan monk who had been in prison, mistreated and tortured, for many years.  When the monk was released from prison, he went to India and reunited with the Dalai Lama.  He was serene and gentle even after all he had endured.  The Dalai Lama asked him if he had been scared and he replied that he had indeed been afraid of one thing--that he would lose compassion for those who imprisoned him. 

The Dalai Lama is a proponent of compassion as a means to happiness.  He says patience, forbearance, empathy, and forgiveness are components of this. 

"The appropriate response to someone who causes us to suffer...is to recognize that in harming us, ultimately they lose their peace of mind, their inner balance, and thereby their happiness.  And we do best when we have compassion for them..." (Ethics for a New Millennium, p. 107). 

In spite of all he's gone through in his life, the Dalai Lama is a truly happy person.  He is quick to smile and exudes a feeling of joy and peace through his presence. I consider him as much an authority on happiness as anyone I can think of.  He's an inspiration and a powerful teacher and I am grateful he has come onto the world stage.

The Root of Happiness

Today I found happiness in my relationships, in yoga class, in being alive.  Something each of these has in common is that I've brought forgiveness to all of the experiences.  Forgiveness of myself, of others, and of this thing we call life.  Perhaps forgiveness lies at the root of all happiness.

It is Written??

I used to get agitated when I thought of pre-determination.  It made me angry to think of the possibility that the events in my life bound to happen regardless (or in spite) of me.  "What's the point of even living," I thought, "if it's already determined?"  I was a free-willer for sure. 

That said, I suppose I never fully trusted the notion of free will.  For example, when the new age ideas of manifesting reality gained popularity, I recall thinking it was a little crazy to manifest my reality.  If I manifested what I had in mind today as the best possible outcome, I might be missing something I didn't even know about.  Or worse, I might be missing out on "what I was supposed" to be doing.  I suppose I wasn't such a free-willer after all.

Being distrustful of both pre-determination and free will, where am I left? I don't know if it's a sign of the times, an effect of getting older, or just a change of perspective, but lately, I take solace in the idea of destiny.  When I look back at what I could consider my mis-steps in life, I can get self critical.  I can wonder why I hadn't learned certain lessons by then or doubt my judgment in the situation.  When I think that perhaps all these things were destined to happen, that they were part of my life plan, it eases those criticisms.  Then the questions become "How well did I handle that situation?" instead of "Why in the world did I get myself into that situation?"  It opens me up to exploring if I was as loving as I could have been, if I learned something, if I deepened my relationships to self or others.  I like thinking of predetermination as a way to reframe the way I look at my behavior.  Perhaps it's not such a bad idea after all.

Mental Activity

For a totally non-original post, I'm gonna repeat something interesting I heard over the weekend:

Ordinary mind is the everyday state of mind where we have many disconnected thoughts running through our minds.

Contemplation is the state where thoughts are directed to one particular topic.

Concentration is the state of having just one thought.  Like focusing on a mantra, image, etc.

Meditation is the state of having no thoughts.

Harlan County USA--Full Length Documentary

This documentary doesn't have a lot to do with my themes of spirituality, simplicity, and emotional well-being, but with the labor questions in our country today and with my Appalachian heritage, I decided to post this American classic as Sunday's movie.

Long Time Sun Video

Saturday's featured video:

Doubt, part 4

At this stage in my life, I'm trying to do exactly what someone mentioned in yesterday's comment section--bring acceptance to my doubts.  I've recognized that getting caught up in doubt doesn't make me happy, but being caught up in certainty doesn't either.  It's in my nature to question and explore; I'm always digging for a deeper understanding of what I encounter.  It's pretty painful not it accept a common aspect of my personality, and I don't want to bring myself that grief! 

When I allow myself to have my doubts unharrassed, I discover that they are thoughts, just thoughts.  They aren't an indication of who I am at my core, and with proper perspective, they don't run my life or make decisions for me.  I learn that each doubt has a diffferent nuance.  Under some doubts is a yearning for truth or deeper meaning.  Some doubts reflect the need to do something differently; they show me where I'm thinking or doing something that's just not right for me.  Other doubts point out buried emotions like fear or anger. 

This practice of being with doubt is actually just like so many other healing processes in my life.  It's acceptance and appreciation of something that I originally found objectionable, sitting with the feelings that arise, and discovering the resource that's available at the core.  There's another realm that doubt can lead me to.  It's not a realm of the mind, but of the spirit.  In my essence, I find a calm knowing.  This knowing isn't the rigid certainty of mind but a strong, peaceful expansive state.  It's a state that can allow the doubting thoughts to subside, but more importantly, it can coexist with the doubts without contradiction.  Knowing is in my soul while doubt is in my mind.  What a relief to recognize that knowing isn't a matter of changing the mind from doubt, but rather opening to a different aspect of myself. 

This understanding can help me to stop identifying with the doubts as if they define me.  I'm the first to admit, when I'm wracked by doubt, it's really hard to get to the place of inner knowing.  That's why I'm making a point to cultivate and recognize the deep knowing of my being in times of relative calm.  The more connected I am to this quality, the more it supports me when I find my mind unsure and confused.  It gives me an fighting chance at being compassionate toward myself when I'm full of doubt and that is perhaps the greatest gift of it all.

Doubt, part 3

Sometimes I wish I was a person with strong beliefs.  I fantasize how much easier my life would be if I didn't have doubt.  I think people with certainty are happier.  I think they are stronger.  I think they are more peaceful.   Because my doubts range from the bigger questions of spirituality to the worldly questions of what I should be doing with my life, it seems as if I spend a lot of time bumping up against the issue of doubt. 

Actually, I can recall a period in my life when I wasn't struggling with doubt.  I was one of the most certain people I have known.  I knew I was right about pretty much anything.  When I engaged in "discussions," it was all about proving my point instead of learning something new.  Ugh!  Now that was miserable!  My rigidity translated itself into my body and I had constant headaches and back pain.  My relationships weren't full of affection and they often needed alcoholic lubrication to flow.  Most days, I experienced an undercurrent of anxiety, even though I wouldn't have admitted it at the time. 

It helps to remind myself of this when I fantasize about how easy certainty makes life.  I realize the fantasy is just not true. That type of certainty is a mental state, just like doubt.  They're both something the ego can use to create a more solid identity. 

What I'm looking for is something beyond the ego to reconcile my experience of doubt.   

Doubt, part 2

Though my family stopped going to formal church when I was about 7 or 8, I have attended plenty of church services in my life and I've heard plenty of sermons on doubt.  The theme of the doubt sermons generally goes like this:

It's natural to have Doubt.  Doubt is given to us by God so that we can come to a deeper understanding of Him.  The natural progression is from Doubt to Certainty.  So be glad of your Doubt and keep your eye on the prize: Deeper Faith.

I can tell you with 100% certainty (ha!), that this train of thought has never been a comfort to me.  It just raises more questions.  When will my doubt be transformed into faith?  How does it get transformed into faith?  What is wrong with me because I haven't gotten my deeper faith yet?  Rather than comforting me, these sermons made me question the fact that my doubt was not transforming into faith.

I realize lots of people share questions about religion and there is nothing particularly special about mine.  But as a child, I didn't know how to deal with my doubts.  I didn't know how to deal with the fact that what I was being told as truth didn't match my experience.  I prayed to God to make me a "good" person and I aspired to be more like Jesus.  Eventually though, I grew to distrust for people who were certain in their faith.  I began to see them at best as simple minded and naive, and at worst, as trying to manipulate and control me.  I have to admit, in spite of myself, in the deep recesses of my psyche grew a gnawing fear that I'd go to hell or at least incur the disapproval of "God" by having this resistance.

Doubt, part 1

All my life, I've been a questioner.  I've wanted to know the why of things and haven't always been satisfied with the answers that have been given.  I've tried to go deeper and deeper into inquiry to understand matters as fully as I possibly could.  In a school setting this can be really helpful (though frustrating to teachers, I'm sure).  In a social setting, I've finally learned to temper it, because it tends to piss people off.  But in the realms of spirit and energy, in questions of the deeper truths, I have yet to be comfortable with my questioning nature. 

In my perception as a younger person, other people seemed so sure about notions of God, heaven and hell, and morality.  For a while I adopted their certainty, but it didn't take long before serious questions were popping up.  My family spent time each week reading the Bible together and I took it to heart.  Some things seemed pretty simple and obvious.  Love one another, including your enemies, including the sick.  Be humble.  Other things confused me.  I wondered about the story of Adam and Eve being the only people but when Cain got banished, there was a worry the other people out there would kill him.  Where did those people come from if Adam and Eve were the only ones?  When I asked my father what a virgin was (in reponse to Mary being a virgin), why did every one get really quiet until he answered, "a young girl?"  That just seemed weird.  Why would God, who was all about love, send people to hell just for not knowing about Jesus?  The questions went on and on.

I'm Back

Celebrating my birthday in Florida

Whew, it feels great to be back.  I went to Florida for 2 weeks as a kind of working vacation.  I thought I'd be blogging from Florida; the lack of good internet connection (I was in a rural area) and being busy kept me away.  I did have time for reflection and contemplation though. 

When I got back home last week, there was a huge stack of mail and emails waiting for me. It was a big stack, but not as big as my stack of laundry.  My national certification as a massage therapist is up for renewal at the end of March, so I worked on the renewal forms and took an online ethics course for it.  Basically, it was a full week of taking care of the details of living life.  That plus reviving after a long drive home. 

Last night, I watched a movie called Enlighten Up.  There's a scene where BKS Iyengar, founder of Iyengar Yoga,  is being interviewed.  He said the first 6 years of his practice of yoga was all about his physical health.  During that time, he did not consider the philosophical or spiritual aspects of yoga.  He said something like, "How can you think of philosophy when you can't even stand up?"

That reminded me how lucky I am to have a life where I can spend time in contemplation.  The odd week of busy-ness which keeps me from writing and looking internally is rare these days.  That's in part due to taking time off from running my business and living in the barn.  But it's also due to being fortunate enough to be born in a country where basic needs are more readily supplied than in other parts of the world.  It's due to having good health and a working mind.  The causes and conditions of personal growth and creativity are complex, but obviously they start with having basic needs met. 

In the next week, I will be sharing some of the thoughts and insights I had while on the road.  I looked into doubt and belief, pre-determination and free will, and happiness in general.  So stay tuned to read my musings on these subjects & more :).

Om Purnam Video

Sunday's featured video:

Sacred Pause Video

Saturday's featured video:

Running Water

This morning I have running water.  I am filled with gratitude when I allow myself to marvel at the simple wonder of the water that comes from the tap.  Today it's easy to be grateful for running water because it's the first morning in three days I've had it. 

In video I posted earlier, "A Good Day," Brother David Steindl-Rast says, "Open your hearts to the incredible gifts that civilization gives us.  You flip a switch and there is electric light.  You turn a faucet and there is warm water and cold water and drinkable water.  It's a gift that millions and millions in the world will never experience."  When I view my life in that way, everywhere I look I can find somthing that I appreciate. 

I love the simplicity of my life, and yet, in the midst of that simplicity is a complex web of technological support systems.  Like the well, pump, and pipes, technology can make my life easier to an extent that I will probably never even fathom.  Technology also brings complications with its gifts.  It's easy to recognize this when I work with my cell phone, facebook page, laptop and other devices.  I think there is a balance for each of us between what supports us and what complicates our lives.  I plan to explore that balance in my life.  Perhaps I'll find new ways to simplify and more things to be grateful for.

Saving the World

Here's a quote that resonated with me strongly yesterday:

"The rule is that you don't have to save the whole world all by yourself.  Because there are millions of starving people in Africa, don't think that you have to feed them all, or that you have to heal the many sick people in India all by yourself.  It is a naive, "do-gooder" idea that you have to save the world.  Just do the task alloted to you, even if it is small.  Every one of us is given something to do in life, and if that is done well, then you will find that the Light-force can function correctly within you, and that is more beneficial to the world than overdoing everything and collapsing."  --Imre Vallyon in Planetary Transformation (p. 113)

When I was younger I really wanted to save the world and ended up feeling as if I was falling short of what I was "supposed to do."  Lately, I'm more content sharing a smile, finding compassion in a difficult moment, or sharing what I have in the moment.  Though I don't want to shirk my responsibility or potential, I find solace in the idea that the task alloted to me is enough.

What kind of songs are you out to sing?

This quote speaks for itself.  I found it on Wikipedia.  I aspire to be the kind of person who sings the kind of songs Woodie is out to sing.

"I hate a song that makes you think that you are not any good. I hate a song that makes you think that you are just born to lose. Bound to lose. No good to nobody. No good for nothing. Because you are too old or too young or too fat or too slim too ugly or too this or too that. Songs that run you down or poke fun at you on account of your bad luck or hard traveling.

I am out to fight those songs to my very last breath of air and my last drop of blood. I am out to sing songs that will prove to you that this is your world and that if it has hit you pretty hard and knocked you for a dozen loops, no matter what color, what size you are, how you are built.  I am out to sing the songs that make you take pride in yourself and in your work."  --Woodie Guthrie

"The Story of Cosmetics"

This Sunday video is somewhat in alignment with the Cosmetics Database link on my "My Influences" page.  A few years ago, my neighbor raised my consciousness about what goes into the products we use on our bodies.  I started researching it and found the Cosmetics Database online.  I've used it as a resource to select my personal care products ever since. 

While I think I'm too much of a libertarian to agree with everything in this video about government responsibility for what goes into our cosmetics, I still appreciate it. 

"Sometimes the Best Things in Life are the Simplest"

Chicken Run

I'm about to go on a small road trip to pick up some chickens for the new chicken coop my friend just got.  This means we'll soon have fresh eggs on the property.  So many people are interested in sustainable living lately these days.  I'm excited to participate in sustainability in this way.

I hope the chickens will help with the bugs in my garden.  I think it will be fun to have them around. 

What actions have you taken in terms of sustainability?

Anger Puzzlement

In How To Be An Adult (a great book, by the way), David Richo says anger "is a signal that something I value is in jeopardy."  I've recently had the opportunity to be around a couple of people I didn't know well who were expressing anger.  In each of the two situations, I had NO idea what could possibly be in jeopardy for them.  Emotionally, I found myself feeling disconnected from their feelings which was actually nice.  On an intellectual level, I was confused about what was going on for them.

I've been pondering anger since, and plan to write more posts about anger and David Richo's take on it.  In the meantime, let me know your thoughts.  All you have to do is click on the link at the bottom of the post that says "__ comments" and write away!

Feeling Sleepy...

Yesterday, I woke up at 4 am to embark on a chicken coop adventure.  It was a successful mission, but I've been sleepy ever since.  I've noticed how difficult it is to write blog posts in my tired state.  In my Don't Let Those Creative Ideas Die post, I discussed my thoughts on following through on creative inspiration.  I didn't mention that getting plenty of rest is an important part of the creative process, but I thought about it.  Now that I'm actually experiencing how tiredness saps creative motivation, I'm more inclined to write about it!

We have these romantic notions of staying awake all night, engrossed in a project.  I've been in that type of absorption state many times in my life and it seems to be supportive of short term bursts of creative output.  But for the long haul, rest may be one of the most important ingredients for creativity I can think of.  I am lucky to have a much more restful life than I did a year ago.  After several years of putting in long hours running my business, I started a sabbatical last August.  Since then, I've increased my amount of sleep and meditation and decreased my hours of work.  I've noticed my creative output is at a level I haven't seen in years.  I think I might have had as many creative ideas back then, but just didn't have the ability to actualize them when I was tired and busy.

In the United State, there's so much pressure to work hard and push to achieve.  I'm thinking this pressure is a force that compromises our creative potential.  Just to test my point, I'm gonna quit typing and get some sleep!

self love or Self loves?

Lately, I've been pretty self-critical.  Before I understood what was going on, I just noticed I was antsy in yoga class and during meditation.  I was more inclined to watch YouTube videos and less inclined to watch the sunrise.  I was quick to look for my faults in any situation.  After a while of that, I decided enough was enough and paid attention to my inner experience.  Where's the self love? I bemoaned!  That got me thinking about self love.

There seemed to be a split implicit in the phrase "self love."  There was one "self" who wasn't bestowing love on another "self."  In my case, it was a judgmental, cold self withholding love from a poor pitiful, lonely, out-of-sorts, little self.  What a mean, cruel judgemental self!  If only that awful part would change, I'd be happier!  Hmm, I realized, that wasn't very loving.  Wait!  Now what self wasn't being loving to the judgemental self???  As you may have noticed, it was all getting very circular.  There were so many parts involved.  I was tempted to think the solution was either to change the way a part was acting or to replace it with a different, kinder, gentler part.  Instead, I tried sitting with the feeling of it all.  I'm pretty sure I moved a little energy and perhaps even understood each of the parts a little better.  But I still felt pretty grunky.

Then I sat on my meditation pillow.  My mind quieted and I entered the inner sky.  In this spacious realm there were no individual selves, just a big Is-ness that included me, but wasn't exclusively "me."  There was no attempt to resolve the lack of self love or reconcile the various parts and their opinions.  I just sat in stillness with a serenity bestowed by grace.  Emerging from that peace, the question of self love seemed insignificant, just the illusion of a confused ego.  I had encountered my Self, the truth of my being.  The Self--in an unglamourous way--just loves as its very nature.  It loves by not making distinctions between itself and others or between various parts of personality.  I know I'm not doing it justice, but this Self loves and that's that. 

It became simple.  After realizing that Self loves, I no longer felt worried about self love.

The i-live-in-a-barn Mascot

Bree, on her barn apartment throne

My cat is my barn & blog mascot.  She's a great meditator, knows how to have a good time, and is an expert at simplicity.  Plus, she's excellent at keeping the mice at bay.

Jimmy Carabbia & Durango Guitar Works

 Get Inspired Feature Presentation...

Jimmy

Inspiring Person: Jimmy Carabbia

Inspiring Attitude: "For a lot of my life, people told me I couldn't do what I dreamed of. I'm pretty used to criticism. I just don't let it bother me."

I met Jimmy in Durango, CO where most Durangoans met Jimmy--at Stonehouse Subs. It was a sandwich shop he opened when he decided Durango didn't have a good enough sandwich shop. He's a kinda picky guy and when he can't find what he wants, he just goes out and creates it. Like when he was a kid and couldn't find brake levers he liked for his BMX bike. So he made some. Back then, he wanted to mass produce and market them, but was a bit young to do it on his own.

These days, it's a different story. After spending years in competitive BMX cycling, he found himself revisiting an earlier passion--guitars. However, several broken bones and lots of repetitive bread baking left his hands and wrists with limited range of motion. He discovered playing short scales guitars let him play with the speed and accuracy he demanded, but wasn't happy with the quality of short scale electric guitars on the market. So, he hand made his own. He'd found a short scale neck he liked, but wanted a guitar body that was in better proportion to the neck. Then he wanted better pick ups. And so on. I can't tell you how many iterations I saw him go through. Then he decided that he'd learned so much making his own custom guitar, he would get them mass produced so other people could also enjoy a quality short scale guitar.

As you can imagine, there's a steep learning curve in starting an electric guitar company, and I'm sure many people thought he couldn't do it. But in spite of it, Durango Guitar Works was born. Here's a YouTube video of a guy reviewing one of his guitars. 

The guitar is getting great reviews.  Best of all, Jimmy's happy. He feels he's making a difference, building community by helping people who want a new choice in electric guitars. Thanks for the inspiration Jimmy!

"Meditation Then and Now" Video

I working on developing a weekly structure for i live in a barn posts.  I'm thinking of making text posts during the week and sharing video posts from YouTube during the weekends.  I'll try it for a while.  Let me know what you think.

"A Good Day" Video

dedicated to my grateful, swimming sister who practices this already

Don't Let Those Creative Ideas Die!

If ideas that never got to see the light of day were pieces of garbage, our entire world would look like the Great Pacific Garbage Patch.  It turns out that receiving creative inspiration is the easy part.  It takes dedication and practical engagement to bring life to a creative idea. 

After the inspired morning I wrote about in my Creative Inspiration post, I came home and processed W2s for my business.  Because I am on sabbatical, I've cancelled my computerized payroll service.  Which means I found myself hand writing seven W2s and all the necessary copies.  If that's not an inspirational buzz kill, I don't know what is!

In this lifetime, I've killed-by-neglect at least a small city's worth of unbirthed inspirations.  I've also labored to manifest some of my brainchildren, and have an understanding of what it takes me to bring them forth.  Here are a few things I've learned along the way.


photo by mayhem
http://mayhem-chaos.net/

 Creative ideas love immediate attention.
If I wait too long to begin a project, the thrill peters out.  That doesn't necessarily mean I won't complete the project, but the burst of energy that could have propelled me into it is lost.  The project's energy becomes slow--more earthy and less fiery.  That solidity is a requirement later in the creation, but in the beginning, the initial spark must be encouraged. 

Attention to detail is an important factor. 
Details are like the tiny pieces of tinder I put onto the spark to get the fire started. They are good at any stage in the project.  I don't have the habit of getting bogged down in details, so this one is easy for me to say.  I know some people who spend so much time on details, they never complete the project.  So I admit it requires a balance.  I just know that when I'm beginning a project, if I jot down a detail that interests me, it serves as an enticement to continue so I can eventually get back to that little tidbit.

Talking about a creative idea before it's under development is a good way to kill it.
This may seem counter intuitive, but I've found the more I talk about an idea early on, the less likely I am to implement it.  The best reason I've come up for this has to do with the great internal feeling of inspiration.  If I perceive the feelings in my body when I'm inspired, the energy is intoxicating.  I think it's the promise of more of this feeling that propels me into working on the project.  The hits of excitement as I bring one small part of the project into reality are enough to keep me hooked.   However, when I talk about the idea, I get a big hit of the good feeling all at once.  After I've finished talking about the idea to everyone I can, I'm kinda bored with it.  It doesn't arouse me anymore.  I've taken what I can get out of it in terms of the "hit" and am less motivated to then do the grunt work.

Thinking about what other people will think of the idea usually hurts more than it helps.
We all know that we need to follow our passions for ourselves, not for others.  Yet, it can be tempting to think about an "audience" when being creative.  Sometimes I find myself fantasizing about how much other people will like my idea and it's temporarily encouraging (even though imaginary!).  Other times, I find myself contracting around the thought that I am once again out of step with the rest of the world and that no one will like my idea.  Alright, I get it!  Both ends of the spectrum are nonsense.  Just self-reference and it'll be fine!

Actually, it's OK to let creative ideas die.
Let's face it, there's no way we could do justice to all the creative ideas bouncing around in our heads in a lifetime.  So it's prudent not to follow up on all of them.  But for the sake of passion, engagement, fulfillment, and plain ol' making this world a better place, start a few creative fires.  Tend them until you get a nice warm bonfire and enjoy!

Creative Inspiration

I woke up at 4 o'clock yesterday morning with a creative solution to a problem.  I'd been chewing on the problem for a while, and the day before, I'd had two interactions with people that seemed to stir something in me.  I didn't quite know what it was, but I had that feeling of "there's something to that."  As I lay in bed trying to convince my body to go back to sleep, I noticed a thought.  It was an elegant yet fun solution to my problem.  It seemed to come from nowhere, but I began to piece together what had transpired the day before and realized the significance.  I also acknowledged that I'd been open to discovering an answer for quite some time.  I got up and jotted down some ideas, made some coffee, tidied up ye ol' barn apartment, and headed out to the 5:45 yoga class.  Throughout my practice I was energized by the idea.  It wasn't merely about my personal problem, it was a YouTube video and a fun writing and art project. 

I love how creativity works!  Be willing to create something (in this case a solution), be receptive to the world around you, be patient, pay attention to the random thoughts that jangle around in your mind, and don't be attached to a creative outcome having the form you thought you were looking for (wanting a solution, ending up with a fun project). 

Up next...my thoughts about turning creative inspiration into reality.

Get Inspired-Accountability

I met a young man yesterday who inspired me about being accountable.  I was in line at the Clerk of Courts  waiting to deal with my traffic ticket and a man in his late teens or early 20s asked me if we were in the right line to pay tickets.  I didn't know and said so.  He began chatting and mentioned he hoped he could just pay and not go to jail.  My ticket was "unsafe lane change" (a life metaphor?? hum, maybe...) so I was a little confused.  I blurted out, "What was your ticket for!?" and he replied, "marijuana."  I didn't know they gave tickets for marijuana so I asked him about it and we began conversing.  He was such an earnest guy, he really grabbed my heart.  He had quit smoking pot and said it wasn't hard at all.  He had a few complications in terms of a ride home from court, etc. and at some point I said, "I'm sorry."  He took it in for a second and (thinking I was talking about the ticket) replied, "No, that's just the way life is."  As I was finishing with my clerk, he sat beside me at the counter and began speaking to the clerk beside me.  "No, I don't want to contest this.  I have no reason to contest this," I overheard him say. 

I walked out of that courthouse in a happier state than I'd been in days.   I loved how he wasn't blaming anybody or being resentful, how was accepting "the way life is."  I loved how he wasn't trying everything at his disposal to get out of his ticket (I assume that ticket could affect his record for a long time).  I loved how he'd used it as an opportunity to make a change in his life.  I loved that he was taking ownership of his life.   I loved the underlying trust he had that life was unfolding in a way that was appropriate and acceptable. 

Thanks for the inspiration anonymous young man!

Simple Generosity

I think most of us enjoy being generous.  Here are a few simple ways to engage in generosity that don't entail a lot of time or money but can make a big difference.

Listening
Being generous with your attention starts starts with silence.  Curtail the impulse to jump in with something to say.  Offer your attention with your silence.  Give someone the gift of having a chance to speak his mind, to think aloud, to be noticed. 

Supportiveness
Tell someone, even if you don't know her that well, a good quality you've noticed in her.  Explain to someone why you believe in her.  Be someone's "first follower."  Add your open-hearted energy to someone else's blossoming project.  Be willing to say "good job" whenever it applies.

Appreciation
Say thank you regularly.  Thank the people who teach the classes you take, provide services, and affect you throughout your day. 

Smile
Share your smile with abandon.  Smile in the grocery, store, and bank.  Smile walking down the street.  Smile at home.  Smile when you greet someone.

Non-judgment
Realize you don't know where a person come froms until you've walked a mile in his shoes (if that!).  Follow the biblical advice to let the person without sin cast the first stone.  Accept others for who they are.  Accept situations for what they are.  Accept yourself exactly as you are.  Accept until your heart grows a size bigger.

Appologize
Don't wait for another person to appologize.  She may never appologize.  Offer your expression of regret and caring for someone's feelings.  Forgive. 

Generosity is an act of opening your heart and allowing what's inside to seep out and allowing what's on the outside to come in.  In fact, it's about not making a distinction between "inside" and "outside" and considering it all the same.  It can have a material component, but ultimately, generosity arises from our hearts, our minds, and ultimately our souls--not our pockets. 

"Love Now"

I'm putting this up for no particular reason.  No comment from the peanut gallery.  But it does remind me of the lovely people I did the World Summit for Humanity with!

Child's Pose

I just did "yoga" with a youngster and I have NO idea why that is called child's pose:

Based on my experience, THIS seems more like child's pose: 

A Kindler, Gentler Discourse--Gender Bashing Humor

I'm sure my critics need no additional proof that I have no sense of humor, but I really bristle when I hear gender bashing jokes.  I used to get a lot of email blasts with jokes about men, but a few years ago, I went on a rant about it and managed to get off most of those mailing lists.  (Rants are helpful like that if you can handle the post-rant embarrassment)! 

My rant went something like this:
I don't get why everyone seems to be into gender bashing jokes.  Female comedians tell "men jokes" and male comedians tell "women jokes."  There's all these email blasts going around with the latest one about whichever gender.  I know it's supposed to be funny and all, but it feels like it has an underlying hostility.  Do other women really expect me to bash men just because I'm a woman too?  Hey, it's not like I joined a competitive team when I was born.  I'm all about girl power, but that doesn't mean I like to laugh at things that disparage guys!  And even though I'm pretty good at laughing at myself, honestly it feels pretty crappy to hear women-bashing jokes.  It's like I'm tarred and feathered just because of a gender that I was born into.  Can we all get along? (fyi for the young 'uns, click the link to get the 90s pop culture reference).  I don't know anyone who thinks racial jokes are funny, so why are there all these people who think gender bashing is cool?  We're talking approximately 50% of the world's popluation being put down with any one of these jokes!  50%!!  Come ON!

Ah, that rant felt good.  I know there's plenty to laugh about when it comes to gender differences and it makes for good humor.   Yet I have to think, in this time when people are talking about rhetoric, hateful discourse and the possibility of being more civil, maybe we could look inward when it comes to gender based humor.  I think it'd be a better world if resentment, bitterness, or dashed expectations weren't the motivation behind telling a joke about the other gender.  Let's center our gender based humor in celebration and love, not diviseness and condemnation!

NVDEAXXNDD3C

Diving Board Faith-Part 2

or...That's Another Fine Mess

As I grew into a young adult, I learned a way to deal with fear.  I hated the paralyzing effect of not having trust.  I hated how the emotions felt in my body and I hated the way I hated myself for being such a wimp in those situations.  I realized if I rushed right into situations without thinking, I could avoid the glaring truth that I was afraid and didn't trust I could handle it.  In all honesty, the usual result was a crash of some sort. 

I'm thinking of the time I tried a rope swing into a lake.  It was a huge drop (I don't like heights) and I'd never even done a small rope swing, but everyone was pressuring me to do it.  "What the h?" I thought, "what's the worst that could happen, dont' think about it, JUST DO IT!"  (thanks a lot nike!).  So I didn't think about timing, I didn't think about speed of swing.  I just squeezed my eyes shut and let 'er fly!  Uh, that might be a good way to avoid feeling fear, but it's not a very good way to avoid getting injured!  That was a pretty dramatic physical crash, but rest assured, there have been plenty of emotional and mental crashes from jumping too quickly with my eyes squeezed shut!

At some point in my 30s, I discovered an alternative to paralysis or rushing in.  Mindfulness, beloved mindfulness!  It this context, it means feeling and experiencing what's going on without jumping into action.  Slowing down and breathing through the situation.  There's a bit of a catch 22 about it though.  Without trust, the experiencing doesn't go anywhere except to paralysis and fear.  Without mindfulness, the trust can't emerge.  I was lucky to have the support of people who trusted in me and showed me it would be ok to experience my feelings.  People who didn't buy into my premise that if I experienced fear, it must mean I'm a crazy wimp.  So with that help, I became more skilled in just being with the uncomfortable feeling of fear.  And miracle of miracles!, I learned that it reallly wasn't that bad. That I had lots of inner resources to handle whateever came up.  I was full of strength, creativity, clarity and compassion.  I learned that when I stayed present, I could connect into the supportive nature of the universe.  I still have my ingrained habits of paralysis and rushing in, but I have a powerful alternative now.  I crash less and have fun more. And for that, I'm extremely grateful!

Diving Board Faith-Part 1

This post has a soundtrack.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

In one particular childhood memory, I'm at a hotel swimming pool standing on the diving board.  My dad's treading water in the water below.  He's trying to assure me that it'll be ok to jump in, that he'll catch me, that i will be ok.  Ever the skeptic, I wouldn't trust him or the deep end of the pool or the scary 3' of air between the board and the surface of the water.  Ever stubborn, I didn't want not to jump either.  Eventually I did jump and my dad caught me and it was an accomplishment, but my head did go under and it was scary and I was ambivalent about the whole experience.  Those minutes on the diving board--tearful and paralyzed--were agonizing.  I'm guessing I wasn't the only one feeling the pain.  Surely my dad was exhausted and everyone waiting for the diving board impatient.

Thirty-five years later, it can be the same thing.  My lack of faith can transform me into a frozen, anxious mess.  I've got a lot more trust than I used to and I've embraced adventures and gained confidence.  Yet, when I'm faithless, it feels the same inside as that day on the diving board. 

I've learned to recognize the feeling of not trusting and can slow down and watch my breath in those moments.  After a while, a presence within me arises that calms me and brings me peace and strength.  Then I wonder why I forget that I am love and am loved, that I have everything I really need, and that my real being is not a physical being anyway.  I soften and open up and begin to enjoy what's in front of me.  I notice something in nature that reminds me that all is well and I am supported.  And I know...even if my head goes under water, I will be ok.

God

These days, it seems like anytime someone writes about God, they end up giving a lengthy description of exactly what they mean and don't mean by saying that.  And give the reader a list of alternate words to substitute "when I use the word God" like creator, Great Father/Mother, etc.  Just so no one gets goobed out I'm thinking. 

Mostly I just want to use whatever language I want to use and not have to explain myself, but I find myself explaining myself all the time over little things. Hmmm, the word God is pretty loaded and doesn't really fit into the "little things" category does it?  I guess I'll go ahead and get it out of the way.  What I mean when I say God I mean.

First, what I don't mean.  Not talking about a white bearded man in the sky.  Here...I'll let George Carlin explain what I'm not talking about when I say God.  It'll literally only take a minute.  You can even stop listening at about 40 seconds to get the idea of what I'm not talking about...

Honestly, I want it to be simple.  When I say God, I mean the divine thing we all know in our deepest selves to be true.  I'm gonna leave it at that for the time being.  The key to that sentence is the IN OUR DEEPEST SELVES part.  That is the tricky part.  But if you get as deep as you possibly can and meet God, that's what I mean when I say God. 

Ha, maybe I'll expound more later, but if you would be so kind as to comment on this post, I think we can get a lively discussion going. 

btw--How did you like all the sentence fragments in this post?